More often than not I’ve been waking up a little ‘off’ lately. Not my usual self. Normally I bounce out of bed glitter-bombing the world with good morning vibes, a condition that my youngest teenager proclaims is ‘not normal at all’ and one for which I should seek help. But lately I’ve been much slower to rise, and I ease into the day a little more cautiously and quietly.
For a tick I was giving myself a little bit of grief over that. But lordy, I have plenty of reasons to take a pause before hopping on the daily treadmill of life.
I’m in my 50s now and it would be an understatement to say that I’ve got some ‘stuff’ going on with my body. The deep blissful slumber of my youth has been replaced with 'disjointed dozing', very light sleep interspersed with bursts of burning volcanic flames of hell emanating from inside my body. I’ve reached out to the government about harnessing this new superpower but thus far I’ve not been called upon to join any special defense unit.
All joking aside, I’m honestly really mad about the state of knowledge about women’s health. How in the holy hell have we gotten to this point in civilization without having better solutions than cranking the AC down to ‘meat locker’ and trying to ride it out? For YEARS. And all the other stuff that goes along with the aging process. And women’s health. Did I mention that? I’m so frustrated.
But I’m researching. I’m gathering a team. There will be new knowledge. New technology. When you hear “Do you or a loved one suffer from fiery internal demons?” … tell your Avatar to turn that noise up. That’ll be me hocking my wares.
Aside from the issues with my body, there’s this matter above my head. I’m pretty sure that every nocturnal critter in my zipcode has migrated to my attic. It’s become the Carowinds of All Creatures Great and Small up there. I close one entryway and then they create another portal. I mean at one level the creativity is inspiring. But come on you raving free-loaders, I want some frigging sleep.
So ya, for these, and many other reasons, I’m in a different headspace these days. I’m not flying out the door pre-dawn with a cape flapping in my jetstream. And that is A-ok. I’m meeting demands with an appropriate response. There’s a lot going on the world right now that’s a little less than inspiring, and I’m taking my time to gravitate to the bits of reality that I can contribute to in some meaningful way (and/or stomach) on any given day.
This is a time to gather strength, to be reflective, to be gentle and empathetic with others and their pain, to have gravitas. It’s ok to not feel like Superman or Wonder Woman or a Dancing Prancing Unicorn of Positivity every day. We can be sad, or tired, or mad, or a grump without feeling guilty about it.
So that's a long-winded way of saying that maybe sometimes the wrong side of the bed IS the right side of the bed. I say get out of bed on whatever side suits you - I won't be judging. But if it happens to be a glitter day for me, I apologize in advance. ;-)
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